How To Lose A Guy... Effortlessly?

Low classical music in the background.

Large hall with men in tuxedos and women dressed to impress.

Three women standing near the appetizer table, overdressed in bulky gowns and extravagant headpieces.

Sipping champagne from tall glasses rimmed with their red lipstick.

Rita

Rita is a blond haired, short and chubby woman thirty-five years of age. She is wearing a purple gown and has vibrant makeup on. She is carrying a purse, bulging with different types of makeup and applicators.

Laura

Laura is a tall brunette and slender woman of the same age. She is dressed in an off white gown, with detailed beading. She is fanning herself with a red, floral paper fan.

Elizabeth

Elizabeth is an average woman in height and weight and slightly younger than the others. She is dressed in a light green gown and endlessly eating appetizers.

Rita: This night should be one to remember. It will be like no other!

Laura: Most definitely. You both look like beauties. I must ask you Elizabeth, where did you get that incredible head piece?

Elizabeth grabs a piece of shrimp from the appetizer table and replies with her mouth full. After she answers she licks each fingers clean.

Elizabeth: It was just lying around the house. A thing so beautiful should not be forgotten.

Rita: I agree. It can be quite surprising what one may find by accident.

Awkward silence. All three women busily search the crowd.

Laura: Quite amazing who they invite to these balls. Seems everyone is of importance nowadays.

A young couple, mid-twenties, walks past the three women in conversation. Rita hides her purse behind her back, Laura lifts her chin and continues to fan herself and Elizabeth swallows quickly. After they have past, Rita brings forth her purse, Laura stops fanning and Elizabeth gets another shrimp.

Laura: Men just settle for what is hands length away. Had they searched a while, they may have found women worthy of them.

Elizabeth and Rita stare at Laura.

Rita: Are you becoming bitter with age?

Laura: Of course not! I just think I could have made a better match. She’s much to short for him.

All three women bend to look at the couple at the far end of the hall. Then Elizabeth and Rita nod their heads in consideration.

Elizabeth: This is not a dating service Laura. These men are not looking for marriage possibilities.

Laura: Of course not! Not just yet anyway. They must see the possibilities first.

Laura strikes a pose and fans herself but eventually gets tired and stops.

Rita: I highly doubt seeing you will change a man’s mind.

Laura gives a nasty look to Rita.

Elizabeth: Then why is it, Rita, that you have come?

Rita (seriously): To enjoy myself…

Elizabeth: You are showing no symptoms of fun.

Rita: I am waiting for the perfect moment.

Elizabeth: To do what exactly?

Laura: To look like she’s having fun and to smile that horrendous smile of hers.

Elizabeth: I have a better chance of enchanting a man with this horrendous smile then making a man divorce his wife because she’s too short.

Elizabeth grabs another piece of shrimp and dips it into some sauce and drips a bit onto her gown.

Laura: I will do nothing. He shall simply be attracted to me.

Laura begins to fan herself but eventually gets tired again and stops.

Elizabeth: Ah yes, a man with a future changing his life for a woman who believes herself to be a magnet.

Laura: Sweet Elizabeth. I cannot change the aura that surrounds me.

Rita: Aura? There is a cloud of perfume surrounding you that can suffocate any human being.

Laura stares cunningly at Rita, then turns away and begins to fan again.

Laura: Then why haven’t you fallen to the floor yet?

Rita: I have trained myself to breathe through my mouth.

Laura: Quite attractive to have a woman with her mouth gaping open.

Elizabeth (chewing): It’s going to have to be when you find yourself a man.

Laura: Oh be quite! You’re going to suffocate yourself if you continue to eat those shrimp five at a time!

Rita (smiling): I’ll scream a warning to the crowd when she appears to be on the edge of bursting.

Laura (mockingly): Danger! She’s full! Danger!

Elizabeth goes to reach for another shrimp, but decides against it.

Elizabeth: Quite the clowns you two are. The makeup suits you both.

Rita: Men like makeup.

Laura (fanning herself again): It enhances a woman’s best features.

Elizabeth (giggling): Then what is your purpose for wearing it?

Rita (upset): Oh pooh.

Awkward silence. All three women busily search the crowd, again.

Elizabeth: But really, what is our purpose for attending these balls?

Rita: To meet men.

Another couple walks by, and all three women fix themselves to appear proper. Laura continues to stare at the couple, leaning over.

Laura: To steal men.

Elizabeth: And yet, we are standing here.

Host begins to give a closing speech to end the night.

Laura: Well we better leave.

Elizabeth takes one more shrimp and they begin to walk out. The three women begin to go their separate ways.

Rita: Well all the best ladies. Shall you two be attending here next Friday?

Elizabeth (nods): And on an empty stomach.

Laura: Yes. I shall go shopping for a new fragrance to wear.

Rita (in thought): I shall experiment with new colours, and surprise you two next week. And possibly pack lighter.

Rita lifts her bulky purse and waves goodbye. Laura and Elizabeth wave back, and all three women begin on their ways home, alone.