The Diary of the Unspoken: Day 1

Her mind commits its own crimes. She doesn't know how to control it and with every attempt at trying to control it she realizes how serious her own deception is. Her mind if not contained nor the product of reality - her body is a victim.
Everyday, every moment that she feels she should say something, do something - anything - she must consult the consequences in her mind.
She must first enact the possible situation in her mind. Her life resembles novels that guide you to many, varying endings - which one would you choose? The possibilities are endless and time consuming.
Each time her physical body and a little space of her insecure mind want something it is minutes before a decision is made, and by that time it's too late - the moment has gone.
If she were to describe her mind, she would compare to the life of a teen searching for acceptance. in her girlfriends. No matter how wrong a situation may seem if it achieves the desired end, any moral and ethical thought can be forgotten until later when the deed has left her conscious paranoid and guilty.
The larger portion of her mind is a bully, but rather than forcing her to do something - it doesn't allow her to. It is protective over her, like that boyfriend she once had (much too over protective).
It is hard for her to describe something that she is not fully aware of, especially something as complex as the mind.
What the mind wants, it gets - always. There is never a need to think ahead, prepare or be cautious when the mind knows what it wants.
She drives herself insane. She is going insane. It is subtle but it is happening with great intensity in small doses.
She wants to run until her damaged lungs grant her no more breaths. She wants to run from her thoughts and force them to be left behind, to capture another vacant body. Maybe she'll find peace someday - maybe. How would she find peace? She doesn't want to have to sacrifice who she is. Can someone do that? Find peace and still be who you are?
There is a rage within her - anger and hate. Towards who? Herself?
So many personal issues can be tracked to mishaps in childhood. There was nothing wrong with hers. So what does she turn to know for answers and reasoning? Where does she go when her enemy controls every move she makes?